Can anybody find me somebodything to

................Kill.

I don't care who's reading this larr I'll just write out whatever I have to say. This is a form of shouting out curse phrases and vulgarities but only in this case I am not using my vocal cords because I fear that someone might use a pair of stupid idiotic scissors to cut my vocal cords and let me bleed to death. I don't care larr if you say you can use your bloody knife to chop off my ten stupid typing fingers away at least I know you cannot make use of a pair of scissors to do so. And what next, gel up my remaining fingerless palm so that my blood won't dirty your place?

Bloody hell.

(Mummy, I BEG you not to read this post.)

From today onwards until Idontknowyoutellmeuhhforeverandeverandeverandever I have EVERY. SINGLE. RIGHT. to get emotional and cast out vulgarities from my mouth, in this case fingers. Don't ask me why should I get so upset over one minuscule matter HELL-O I ASK YOU WHY WOULDN'T YOU? It's not yours what why should you bother you did not wash it everyday and spend twenty minutes drying it manually (hair-dryer-free, can this get any worse) and apply stupid products after that to maintain it so that it can grow longer without much damage and risk of damage mah! You did not not-cut it for TEN BLOODY MONTHS so that it will grow and eventually complement the rest because one _____ human being did a mistake a year ago by misjudging the length and caused the retardation which affected your daily life even until NOW.

Well my answer is directly the opposite.

In fact now is so much more worse I can cast out bloody words and even kill something. Whenever I see a lizard I feel like smashing it using the newspaper. Whenever I see a big fat hairy rat I feel like staking it and had it barbecued. Whenever I see something which is less retarded than me I feel like avadakedavra-ing it. Which neither one of the above have appeared in the view of my eyes since I had decided that killing is the best medicine. So back off before you feel sorry for your lizard/rat/something less retarded.

Now when I see a chair I think she deserves better life than me. *Cries and whines like never before*

Oh wait did I forget to mention that the mirror on the wall told me that I am the most retarded THING in this whole wide world right now? YEAH THIS MEANS I FEEL LIKE KILLING EVERYTHING.

And I swear I will never ever go back to that place again UNLESS THEY KIDNAPPED WALLIE. Which is impossible because I would consider using Wallie as my killing machine so they will die already even before they succeed in kidnapping her. So yeah I will never ever go back to that monsteric place. EVEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR.

1656 Will decide whether or not this post should be deleted. Your opinion is always desired and required. Til then. I'm gonna find something to. You know.

These are the things that I say when somebody touches my hair without my permission. From now on only these few are allowed to do so: mummy, Jeremy, Mandy YJ SM (awesome buns and absolutely NO DAMAGE), my aunt and uncle (if they happen to read this), people whom I pay to touch my hair. Otherwise shall be declared as idiots and morons. Don't wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don't.

The one person who will never fail to brighten up my day.

This person smiles almost all the time.

This person wears black all the time.

This person likes singing but never sings to me. BUT this person will. Someday :D

This person dislikes Justin Bieber. A WHOLE LOT. (Justin Bieber copied this person's hairstyle)

This person laughs at stupid things I say. (Which is very often because I always say stupid things so, haha.)

This person can do many things at a time. Eg.: Watch TV, SMS, breathe, blink, sit etc.

This person, although VERY cute, always denies the fact that this person is cute. So humble.

This person can get obsessed over something but still never forget about his priority. Hoho.

This person says diaries/planners are only for girls. (Sexist)

This person will feel sad and offended if this person doesn't get your joke. (I joke a lot here, just so you know.)

This person loves to joke by the way.

This person will die without music me music me music me MUSIC ME MUSIC ME. Larr larr. Nyahahahahahaha.

This person is always stalked by me unknowingly WHOOPS.

This person is, also, always stalked by me knowingly heheh heheh.

[Edit]: This person, by the way, loves to stalk me. Hah!

This person handles boredom well. (Dislikes to sleep)

This person is always there. Always.

This person forgives despite the awful things you have done.

This person is the most optimistic person I've ever known.

This person can say every good thing which is not possible to be even thought of at very bad times and this person believes that good things happen.

Hence never failed to cheer me up and always makes me happy.

And this person will always, always remain his position in my heart, as how it is today. Always and forever.

Turn it up, up, up, up, up, up, up.

Stupid song stuck in my head like it's literally glued inside and out of my brain and all over my head since forever which makes it so unbearable because it's only a memory of a short phrase of a song which I've only heard once who in the world will know how bugging and irritating this song can be. Thanks to something so clever called Google it made the condition less depressing. So clever it can even tell the name of (a short phrase of) the song that is playing inside my head even when I do not even know how the whole song goes like or what is the name of the stupid song.

Wait I'm not here to talk about the stupid song nor the clever Google so back to me.

I shall hereby present you a summary of my (unpredictable, super unpredictable, super mega unpredictable) week:

I am a student > I temporarily signed off that job > (I feel like) I am no longer a student, got myself employed UNEXPECTEDLY (emphasising emphasising) it's pretty much like it fell from the sky right in front of me when I just am about to move a step forward > Yeah I am moving forward thank you very much for realizing >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Soooooo forward you cannot even see me now bwahahahahaha okay back to me (summary) >Did awesome thing had awesome time > Went back to McHeaven and lived my McLife > Realized working isn't fun any more it sucks to the max > Felt like quitting > Considered quitting > Consideration distracted by oncoming plans in life and eventually faded away > Held meeting > Awful > Very awful > Very awfully awful I NEED TO WAKE UP > Guess what, back to work again......... (WHAT!??) > Ate a lot by the way (My way of saying gained 9852 kilograms in a week) >> Bought second pair of shoes in the week my oh my > WATCHED AWESOME AWESOME HARRY POTTER SO AWESOME I WILL WATCH IT AGAIN (tomorrow wheeeeeeeeeeee) > Back to work. Grr > Realized that I'm sick and tired of working (again) > Had serious consideration about quitting, not that I wasn't serious the first time > Tried something new > Handled counter > Drive-Thru sucks > I want the fun out there > Short of sixty cents but never mind it cannot even buy you an ice-cream haha haha grr I'm a failure > My life is basically about work > No Grey's for three miserable days, made me even motivated to quit my job > I need my life back > Decided to quit my job but don't know how to tell the manager without getting killed > Didn't turn up for my job on Monday! Hah! > (That is what it seemed like during the first hour of my shift, I got back to my work because I decided that the so called "St. John activity" is stupid and time-wasting) > So yes I did not 'didn't turn up for my job on Monday' > Felt peaceful to be back in McHeaven > Shocked and surprised by the news that Monday will be our last working day, which we received on Monday by the way > God is so awesome He solved everything for me now I don't have to die > Worked happily (hahahahaha such description) > Had awesome lunch > Worked reluctantly, yet happily > Time passes > Time passes > Time passes > Time comes, I AM FREEEEEEEEEEE!! :D

TAADAA a happy ending of my week! :D With no salary.

This is really, an update.

Some pictures to minimize disappointment.

Everyday (two days so far) I wake up to this:

And this:

They can wait. They really can wait.

It feels so right to put this here.

And oh, if you have noticed my tagboard, you'll see this:

Well if you hadn't now you have. Now, I am about to present a photo of a you-know-who who hates working.

.

.

...

.

You-know-who hates working.

By the way, I snapped those pictures illegally during work (they will sue me and I will go to jail, no kidding) (I also may even get killed by my boss) so here's my story: My name is not Ngoh Jess Minn and I don't work in Teluk Chempedak's McDonald's. And I don't hate working. In fact I love my job. Yes my name is Nestle and I am a mango-flavoured yoghurt and my job is to explore the inner parts of humans. Told you I love my job.

Got time?

HAHAHAHAHA eh you know what I am once again a working lady hahahaha this is so fun hahahaha at least I thought it would be at first when the manager saw Mandy and I at McD's yesterday hahahaha very funny lorr I tell you we (JessMinn Mandy Chyna Josh) called up the manager so many times in the past few weeks and they kept saying that they will call if they need casual labours kept saying the same thing I even went there twice or thrice (too many times I've lost count) to ask them personally about the job they just gave me the go away we don't need you here look (very polite, though) which of course hinted me that they won't employ any part timers during this holiday so back to the story I somehow got employed yesterday and TAADAA I'm a working Jess Minn it's gonna be so much fun I thought hahahaha such a kid but then you know what today I discovered the ugliest truth that exists in this living world:

I dislike working.

Gah I sound so different from last time right yeah yeah I get that a lot too (from myself haha thank you very much) and guess what I can't even tell why do I sound so different!

Maybe it's because working means less sleep. (Working takes up a third of my day and I usually sleep two third the time in my day so yeah you do the math.)

Or maybe it's because working means no time for studies. (Laugh out loud will you)

Or or maybe it's because working means no time for annoying anyone else in this world in any form. (Lady luck smiles on Danny)

Or maybe it's because working means no time for daydreaming about being the first woman to ever operate a living human on the moon. (There are no boundaries for daydreaming, really.)

Or maybe it's because working means no communication to the world. (Except of course fussy bossy troublesy customers.) (I know it's troublesome but if I write that it won't rhyme)

Or maybe it's because working means no time for Grey's Anatomy. Bloody Monday. Criminal Minds. Etcetera etcetera etcetera. (Sheet. Sheet you bloody work.) (I did not just said that.)

Or maybe it's because working, in short, means no computer, no phone, no TV, no movie (except for Harry Potter nyahahahahahaha I bought the tickets last Sunday please don't envy me or attempt to steal my ticket your time will come okay I assure you, your time will come), no piano, no sleep, no books (I'm choosing books over working what has the world done to me....), no drinking water any time you want, no eating rice (WHAT HAS THE WORLD DONE TO ME!!!), no procrastinating (this is just unacceptable), no freedome of speech of action of replying messages of eating any (edible) thing any time you want. Just. No. Freedom.

Maybe working means lifeless.

Now to come to think of it, maybe it's because of all of the above.

A very short update on my current status.

I'm a dead meat..... I am such a piece of dead meat.

Updated 10:10pm - Wah suddenly all the F come out from both sides at the same time can I join hey I don't get to use the F how unfair.

Steps to take to cure depression.

Method 1 (Highly recommended)

1. Get extremely excited about something. Anything at all. The higher the impossibility for that thing to happen, the higher the chance for this method to work.

2. Tell the whole world that you are happy and excited and elated over that particular (highly impossible to happen) thing and you are to treat them for breakfast/lunch/dinner/all of the mentioned because you worked in McDonald's two months back and you did not know what to do with the money but finally decided that sharing the joy (joy=money/excitement for the highly impossible thing to happen) would be the best.

3. Pick a restaurant with the best seafood spaghetti you have ever known.

4. Plan for the breakfast/lunch/dinner. Invite the whole world for that breakfast/lunch/dinner. The more the merrier.

5. Get even more excited over this breakfast/lunch/dinner! :D

6. Then this is the part where alas, you realize that the something you got so excited and hyped up earlier before will never. Ever. Happen. In reality.

7. Hence the begin of this short journey towards depression.

8. Reached. Depressed.

9. Then this is the part where you get even more depressed upon realizing your excitement towards the breakfast/lunch/dinner (in the restaurant with best seafood spaghetti....triple depressed) was all in vain and there wasn't any joy to share in the very first place.

10. Try your very very very best to hide the depressed and disappointed look out of your face.

(The harder you try, the more obvious it is.)

11. The whole world realizes that you are depressed in spite of the face you give to every single one of them. The whole world holds a secret meeting.

12. Now the whole world decided that you are too depressed to share your joy (joy=money) hence they humbly reach out to you, attesting that they would share their joy (joy=money...uh food I mean) with you.

13. Repeat step 3-5 and enjoy the best seafood spaghetti (and everything else...pictures soon) in town without even having to look at the bill. Depression cured.

Updated: 14112010 - Now is soon.

This is a picture of a very shitty cake which fooled me by its look which was initially an effort to cheer me up but failed miserably. It's from Sherwood by the way.

And this is a picture of a very big platter of awesome awesome seafood spaghetti. I finished everything minus the muscles and whatever thing clamped with shell they taste so raw larr. Good times aye, good times.

This is a picture of everything else which of course was all finished by me in the end.

Now this is a picture of the effect of my overpowering depression and Ngoh Jess Shynn playing the iPod like a little kid.

P.S. This works only for normal people... It did not work for me as I am not categorized as one of them but I assure every single normal one of you out there, this method will work.

Method 2 (Highly recommended)

1. When the schools demands for a decision from you of what are the subjects you desire to take, decide that Accounts will of course be included in that list.

2. When the year end examination is over for every one else (who decided that Accounts is a blehhhh-subject) but you, get depressed because they won their victory a day earlier than you.

3. Hold a frying pan in your hand all the time just in case Danny (who decided that Accounts is a blehhhh-subject) (Bleh you Danny, blehhhhhhhhhhh you) decided to hit you with his.

4. Write some stupid stuffs on your blog. Admire your own blog.

5. Go to sleep. (With frying pan still in hand)

6. Never wake up. Depression cured.

Method 3 (Highly recommended) (Worked for me despite my abnormality.) (Seriously.)

Talk to Jeremy.

Method 4 (Highly recommended as it is simple and easy and doesn't require much work)

Sing this song:

With Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm,

Smile at the storm,

Smile at the strom,

With Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm

As we go sailing home.

And if it hasn't worked yet, continue singing:

Sailing, saling home,

Sailing, sailing home,

With Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm

As we go sailing home.

And if it still does not cure your depression, keep singing this song. Play it in your mind for the next 24 hours. Or you could take out a piece of paper and do something like this:

Now that I have done this I would like to correct my statement above. Don't take out a piece of paper. Just click the 'Start' button on the bottom left corner of the screen and search for 'Paint' and click 'Paint' and draw all you want.

Depression cured! :)

And my, may I say that if you are still dealing with depression issues after following all of the methods above then here comes the best solution which is Method 5.....

Stop reading this depressing blog.

Freeeeeeeeedom is hereeeeeeeeeeeee

Shouts annoying Danny as he hops around like he just realized he's actually a kangaroo earlier today.

While I, on the other hand, is crawling into depression again...

*Danny hops towards me with a frying pan in his hands and thwacks it onto my head (Ouch Danny, ouch) and roars at me GO STUDY YOUR STUPID ACCOUNTS LARR as he laughs evilly, indicating that he rocks more than I do because he's Merdeka day is one day earlier than mine.

Just a short one. Just a short one.

Today, I decided to reveal a truth here as after a long period of pondering, I decided that this truth will bring no harm to anyone at all so here is what I decided to say:

It's a misintepretion.

You know how I always tell myself oh how I love Science Science rocks Science is awesome Science is love Science is everything let Science be my life take me away oh Science how I love thee. Stuffs like these. You know?

Apparently the truth is I DO NOT love Science at all. I despise Chemistry and Biology and every time I am to study either one of the subjects, I will tell myself to go and sleep and not waste time on useless, boring, torturing and full-with-alien-words subjects. And my dislike towards these subjects can be clearly seen by my almighty results all year long. And then I won't even care about how bad I did because really, I just don't care.

I discovered that Physics was the one which gave me the misconcept of my love towards Science ever since forever (and ever and ever and ever) and it is Physics that makes 'Science' so awesome so yeah my true love is actually Physics and I could never understand people who hates Physics.

See, a short one.

P.S. My name is Ngoh Jess Minn and my ambition is to be a surgeon! :) :)

P.P.S. Honestly and seriously.

This state of immobility.

Ignoring every action I take that draws me closer to failing the upcoming subjectssss, I hereby declare that I am a human being and like every other normal human being outside there, I nonetheless have emotions and feelings, too.

I don't care who may be reading this, be it someone who knows me or not, my image and reputation is long gone anyway. Yes this is a confession. I just must say that I have been setting too high expectations upon everything I deal with daily, especially those I love to deal with. And yes it feels like shit when things do not go the way as your mind had seen it before it even happened. (Which it did not, by the way.)

And all of these brought me back to myself. I was rational. I was. Strong. I wasn't even close to how frail I am right now.

All these things I have within me now. Everything everyone - God, my seniors, my friends, my mentors, myself - has built for me this far, I know it is there. It is there. Perhaps I no longer know how to own and take up responsibility of that much... I really don't know. And I don't know what caused me to feel like I am losing every opportunity given to me all these while. What I know is that, I am losing the world that everyone (inclusive of me) has built for me this far. This realization took long enough to come to me but God, I thank You so much for it.

Imagine this ball of achievement - moulded perfectly, somewhere in this field. That is my ball. And my job is simply simple - to control the ball and just bring it into the goal. My goal. The ball is with me. I have the ball. I never went to any sports outlet to buy myself a soccer ball nor did I ever won any balls in any lucky draw but there it is. I somehow have this ball. And I am to kick it into the goal.

God is my coach. I never knew how to control or even kick/bring/whatever the ball around but He trained me well. I did fairly well.. For the first few months.

Right now I am still in the field with the ball trying all my best to bring it to the goal but here's the problem: I am not coached. And I somehow cannot see my goal any more.

My goal is nowhere to be seen in the field.

So that is why I crawl into depression at times. I know being depressed doesn't help but had I not said it earlier. I have this stupid unexplainable yet very overpowering thing called emotions and feelings. I dislike them for they always come together and when they come, they come. Empowering your mind and thoughts, gaaahh there is just no way to escape from them is there.

But I am aware that I shouldn't blame them for what I have become now.

(In the next post I will provide you some guidelines of how to cure depression, but that will most probably be after my exams because exam first, blog second. Ha. Ha. Ha.)

So just let me be. I'm figuring things out and I think I'm quite good at this. I think. My point is that, at certain point of life, feeling down and hiding in this cave of depression is necessary to make yourself a normal person. Likewise, the constant whether exchange is necessary in order to achieve normal. Who in this world would appreciate the sunny days if there was never rain? Or vice versa if you loathe the sun and love the rain.

Honestly.

Believe it or not.

I We made it all the way from a one/two-week-practice-only to the cover of our year book.

Proudly presenting -

[Imagine this is a photo of the cover of our year book okay sorry camera is not around]

See! Got colour one some more! :D

Yes I went to school today but that doesn't matter - I'm still me the lazy me - and the fact that I went to school today will not change what I am about to say in this post so no matter, don't have to be shocked or surprised or stunned because this is the part where I say:

Do not judge a book by it's cover.

Seriously.

I went through the so-called year book and what I found was only disappointment. Yes, they did record the school's academic achievement, very well, but I just cannot find the page where they record our school's co-curricular achievement in any part of that book. Don't tell me the editor missed out that part. Or they accidentally (on purpose, always on purpose) missed out that/those page(s) in the process of printing those 1100 books.

Just tell me that our school's principal MISSED OUT (or even worse, never knew about) that part and hence either one of both theory above.

I know larr a picture tells a thousand words, but those thousand words can only be seen and felt by those who were in that picture in the first place. Who, in the outside of the picture, would ever know that our school's choir team got the fourth place in the national level's competition, instead of a pathetic consolation prize in a district level competition? And hence begin the judgemental comments.

And then they (don't ask me, I don't know who either) misplaced my (misspelled) name (so it isn't my name, after all) in the column where those number one genius's name should be at. Ahahahahahahaha I created my own time machine and travelled back to three years ago - which is last year in this case and became a form one student last year and got first place unknowingly.

Ngoh Jess Shynn will be so sad.

I still have many more things to say about that so-called year book of our school but just in case I am the only one who missed out those pages which I mentioned above and this post ridicules you, I am done here. Just text me or mail me or write on my wall or even tweet to me if you have found those missing pages. I will salute you and buy you a cookie.

Mamma Mia.

Here we go again.

My my, how can I resist you you you you.

Mamma mia.

Does it show again.

My my, just how much I miss you you you you.

:) :) :) :) :)

♥