Americano.

1. By reading this you agree to pardon my temporary absence from this non-existent space, of which, regrettably, does not fall in the provision of Section 7(1)(b).
2. My belief in Americano as one of God's best creation was shaken this morning as I got up in a manner which I had to picture possible scenes of me vomiting in the examination hall.
3. Things to do on Wednesday include: shopping purchasing of essentials, clean my room, clean my ex-room, work on my assignment from scratch, pack wisely, and of course - wash the toilet.
4. Things I foresee would be done on Wednesday: shopping purchasing of essentials, pack wisely, wash toilet. One has only so much time.
5. If there exists a pill with the mighty ability to permanently take away my body's psychological need for sleep, I would very gladly take it.
6. I have not seen my Chai in months. Therefore I am depressed.
7. I have been feeding egg white to my face daily, without fail for the past whole month. What broke the record was that the fridge ran out of eggs.
8. Apart from eggs, the fridge was recently stocked up with 12 bars of chocolate, a cake, and some caramel puddings. Thanks but no thanks, Ikea.
9. This list of statement is non-chronological, if you wonder.
10. It may also be non-logical.
11. Every time I look into the mirror now, I ask God what good could I have possibly done to deserve Yun Ho as my husband.
12. The name appearing on my bib for the coming Standard Charted Run is 'MONEY'. THANK YOU VERY MUCH NGOH JESS LYNN.
93 I got fatter. I am depressed.
14. Words cannot express how awfully much I regret for not getting the best tickets available for the brilliant concert last week. I had the money, I had the time, I had the advantage, but I just must be that stupid.
15. Doesn't matter, Yun Ho said he loves me. Evidence.
16. I have multiple personalities. Sometimes it's scary, sometimes it's entertaining. But most of the time it's just painfully annoying.
17. I am leaving for Japan in three days. Three. Days.
18. In a parallel universe, I'm a unicorn.
19. Truth be told, my main reason for not having an Instagram account is that MY username has been taken. During my unapproved break from studying on Saturday, I tried coming up with usernames. Among the available ones are 'mrsjyh', 'mrsyunho', nnimssej', and 'jmjyh'. DON'T you dare take these away.
20. I also look for inspiration from my closet during my unapproved breaks.
21. The other day I, along with my parents, met my very, very inspiring Head of School to discuss my future. We now follow each other on Twitter.
22. I could almost swear that split ends are the third most annoying thing, ever, after my multiple personalities and people.
23. For a very long time, I believed that nothing in this world could make me cry anymore. Then, one day, this song came by.
24. I will be in Osaka next Wednesday. Guess who else happens to be in Osaka on that very day?
25. Don't.


Bonus:

26. Better go to waist than waste, or better go to waste than waist? I cannot decide.

Can you believe it?

Emotional

When I was young, I would be very easily touched by sad scenes of movies, and they never fail to make me cry. My mother noticed that side of me and had told me that I should not be that emotional, crying because of little things. How am I going to handle myself in bigger, much difficult situations? I did not understand what was the issue then, but as I grow up I have seen the importance of her words through various experience. One significant action I took to 'overcome my weakness' was to simply avoid watching sad movies, despite knowing how good those movies were. Movies like Hachiko, Marley and Me, The Last Song... I wouldn't watch them.

But today I realized what I did was nothing close to overcoming my issues in dealing with sadness. I was only avoiding them, taking the easy way out. And oh, how I hate myself for being this weak, this helpless.

I was given two months to get excited about tomorrow, to prepare myself in all ways for what's happening tomorrow, but I did not make use of the time. This morning, when I woke up from one of the happiest dreams I've had this year, in which dear YunHo smiled at me, and we conversed and even shook hands, it hit me hard that tomorrow - TOMORROW is the day I have been longing for. The day that I had once wanted to happen, so very badly.

Then I realized that I did not prepare any letters, any presents, anything at all for them, for this day.

I don't know what to feel tomorrow. I am going to watch something really good, yet sad at the same time. I don't know what to feel when I see two very familiar, precious faces, instead of five.