And my heart in the middle of nowhere.
And my passion for food.
And my hunger for adventure.
And also my excitement for this long-term holiday which does not exists at all.
All because I lost one thing - my mind.
Right now, it may seem that all that matters to me is getting some twister fries for lunch and burning many many holes in my pocket and Barney Stinson and planning my future but it's not like that. In fact, I do not even know what I just wrote. I am somewhat a little confused and a lot confused hence this confusing post? Meh. Will update when I am going to. I don't know.
I really don't know.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Happiness, Y U load so slow?
This is so saddening. My happiness is making me sad. The irony of life.
I have so much time to waste that wasting my time at iwastesomuchtime.com isn't enough to waste all of my time any more, because the time there is for me to waste is, way beyond much, true story. Man this is killing me. It's only the second day of experiencing this long-craved-freedom and I feel dead inside already. I feel like... I'm born to waste my time. I know you're going to ask me to shut up and stop acting this way and go like c'mon you just finished your SPM just relax and enjoy your life bla bla bla bla bla blahh. If you are really going to say that, save it, shut up and just give me an enjoyable thing to enjoy.
Went to the mall today and felt awesome for a while and now back to offline mode. I can die if I continue living like this.
Maybe it's time to dig up the text books to be returned tomorrow. Or it could also be time to pack for tomorrow night. I cannot decide. Watching videos online sucks. Bye.
I have so much time to waste that wasting my time at iwastesomuchtime.com isn't enough to waste all of my time any more, because the time there is for me to waste is, way beyond much, true story. Man this is killing me. It's only the second day of experiencing this long-craved-freedom and I feel dead inside already. I feel like... I'm born to waste my time. I know you're going to ask me to shut up and stop acting this way and go like c'mon you just finished your SPM just relax and enjoy your life bla bla bla bla bla blahh. If you are really going to say that, save it, shut up and just give me an enjoyable thing to enjoy.
Went to the mall today and felt awesome for a while and now back to offline mode. I can die if I continue living like this.
Maybe it's time to dig up the text books to be returned tomorrow. Or it could also be time to pack for tomorrow night. I cannot decide. Watching videos online sucks. Bye.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Back.
Where do I begin.
To my surprise I don't actually anticipate the days ahead of me. Well, not any more at least. You know, like I've been climbing Mount Everest for three and a half weeks or so just to reach the peak of the mountain - and then climb all the way back down again. How exciting and adventuress it seemed during the first few steps you set foot on that mountain, but halfway through your journey, very unfortunately, you lost them all. Drenched with endless exhaustion, labourious effort, and all sorts of discouraging factors, the ray of light gets thinner and thinner, and you slowly forget what's the climb about. Yeah that's pretty much how I feel right now.
Needless to say, I have already reached the peak of my mountain. I'm already there - the figurative top of my world, and I have overcame the necessities. I should feel happy and I should taste freedom right now. But I don't. Did I lose myself during the climb, I couldn't tell. All I can do now is just to hope that I am the kind of person who needs something to dose me up to get me activated, because right now, really, all I feel is emptiness.
Emptiness.
It's like my soul left my body. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong though. I am certainly not that kind of person who loves studying to the bottom of my heart, in fact I find studying one of the most boring things one could ever do. Every time I open the text book and try to understand and even memorize that single sentence and paragraph, my brain - whom amazingly never stopped functioning ever since I was born, miraculously stops functioning. So studying could be like, someone (book) talking (transferring important information) to a deaf person (brain when malfunction). Pointless. Tedious. As stupid as ever. True story.
I remember those days when December 5th meant the world to me. The anticipation for its arrival and the things I have prepared myself to do when it happens (refer to TUWIMDASL a few entries ago). Well what I feel right now is almost exactly the opposite. Maybe because a) I'm too tired to celebrate, b) I don't want to tidy up my books-scattered-everywhere study room, c) I don't know where I'm moving forward to, d) Loneliness kills, or e) Emptiness empties.
Or it could be all of the above. I don't know. I really don't know. You tell me.
So yeah, it is happening, but so what? Now that I have gone back to my 'normal' life, there really isn't much to do, is there? I mean what was I doing all these while before the exam? I eat, I sleep, I watch TV, I waste time. And now what am I going to do after exam? Exactly. I eat, I sleep, I watch TV, I waste time. And now I wonder why did December 5th seemed so great in the first place. After all, it is still life, that I'm living, and this cycle might just never end. You aim for your goal, you work for it, the only chance for you to prove your hard work comes (along with pressure, more hard work, sleepless nights, nervousness, fear, hope, prayers), the day where your hard work is proven comes. And then the whole cycle just repeats itself, again and again.
Since I'm already at the peak, I think I'm just gonna linger around here for a while and hope that I won't freeze to death while doing things I've never once attempt before, like starting a fire. Yeah. That's it. Maybe I should start doing something I've never done before. Like, you know, shave my hair or something. Okay that's ridiculous. I'm just gonna end this post and start building a house for my Sims. Whatever.
To my surprise I don't actually anticipate the days ahead of me. Well, not any more at least. You know, like I've been climbing Mount Everest for three and a half weeks or so just to reach the peak of the mountain - and then climb all the way back down again. How exciting and adventuress it seemed during the first few steps you set foot on that mountain, but halfway through your journey, very unfortunately, you lost them all. Drenched with endless exhaustion, labourious effort, and all sorts of discouraging factors, the ray of light gets thinner and thinner, and you slowly forget what's the climb about. Yeah that's pretty much how I feel right now.
Needless to say, I have already reached the peak of my mountain. I'm already there - the figurative top of my world, and I have overcame the necessities. I should feel happy and I should taste freedom right now. But I don't. Did I lose myself during the climb, I couldn't tell. All I can do now is just to hope that I am the kind of person who needs something to dose me up to get me activated, because right now, really, all I feel is emptiness.
Emptiness.
It's like my soul left my body. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong though. I am certainly not that kind of person who loves studying to the bottom of my heart, in fact I find studying one of the most boring things one could ever do. Every time I open the text book and try to understand and even memorize that single sentence and paragraph, my brain - whom amazingly never stopped functioning ever since I was born, miraculously stops functioning. So studying could be like, someone (book) talking (transferring important information) to a deaf person (brain when malfunction). Pointless. Tedious. As stupid as ever. True story.
I remember those days when December 5th meant the world to me. The anticipation for its arrival and the things I have prepared myself to do when it happens (refer to TUWIMDASL a few entries ago). Well what I feel right now is almost exactly the opposite. Maybe because a) I'm too tired to celebrate, b) I don't want to tidy up my books-scattered-everywhere study room, c) I don't know where I'm moving forward to, d) Loneliness kills, or e) Emptiness empties.
Or it could be all of the above. I don't know. I really don't know. You tell me.
So yeah, it is happening, but so what? Now that I have gone back to my 'normal' life, there really isn't much to do, is there? I mean what was I doing all these while before the exam? I eat, I sleep, I watch TV, I waste time. And now what am I going to do after exam? Exactly. I eat, I sleep, I watch TV, I waste time. And now I wonder why did December 5th seemed so great in the first place. After all, it is still life, that I'm living, and this cycle might just never end. You aim for your goal, you work for it, the only chance for you to prove your hard work comes (along with pressure, more hard work, sleepless nights, nervousness, fear, hope, prayers), the day where your hard work is proven comes. And then the whole cycle just repeats itself, again and again.
Since I'm already at the peak, I think I'm just gonna linger around here for a while and hope that I won't freeze to death while doing things I've never once attempt before, like starting a fire. Yeah. That's it. Maybe I should start doing something I've never done before. Like, you know, shave my hair or something. Okay that's ridiculous. I'm just gonna end this post and start building a house for my Sims. Whatever.
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