Penang, June 2015

Now isn't exactly the time for this but this tab has been opened and reopened for the longest time. Each time I open Chrome and see these endless tabs I feel like my computer's expiry is imminent. Just like my college life (YES!).

I want to relate how I felt when these photos were taken to how I feel this instant as these syllabuses are typed, but I can't. We are now two different entities.

Exactly six months ago I was probably building up my excitement for this trip. Right now I'm mentally building the arena in which I will soon throw a farewell party to these... Materials. Books, notes, stationeries, papers, articles, you name them. There will be balloons.

So, back in June I entered the famous Penang territory for the first time in my unexciting life. It was a trip too hot and too short. I remember being toasted. (Someday I'll be toasted to.) That was the day I decided that sunblock does not do its name justice, at all. I kept in mind that I ought to utilize every second I dedicated to this little island, so despite the intense heat I kept going, drenched on the outside and dried to the bones on the inside. The Ayer Itam Asam Laksa was my favourite of all the food we tried. I would happily down ten bowls of it had I been blessed with the stomach that of a carnivorous cow. In the span of one and a half day we visited a t a temple, walked through some jetties, discover some street arts, went to a concert, wasted some time at a mall, tried out a cafe and had tonnes of food, of which most I decided wasn't picture-worthy. From this trip I've learned that careful planning is always good.

I'll be back soon.

A Call

Today

I made a phone call

It all started because

I want to be happy

Be assured

Be inspired

I can now look forward to

The future

That's the least I can hope for

Please get my order right

This inconsistency.

I think writing is a very beautiful thing to do. I admire people who write well and I'm looking forward to the day I admire myself. Like pictures, writing essentially portray moments and give you an idea of how its like to be in some place else, someone else's shoes, or even some others' mind. Above all, it is able to make moments permanent. And for that and many more reasons, I love writing. Or perhaps, as demonstrated here, loved. I stopped writing and sharing here because I found out that I really do not like it when people know more than they should. (I was young when this space was created.)

But tonight, tonight I feel slightly different. Tonight I write because I want to immortalize this snowball of feelings I've been feeling for the past one year and a half. Because I don't want this to be forgotten. And one day when I'm gone, at least, at the very least, I can count on the internet to remember this:

I feel thankful to have met you. I really do. I never knew the extent to which I am capable of opening up to another being, and one fateful day everything changed. Sometimes I still wonder whether it's even humanly possible, or safe for one to share, to talk so much, but when we start talking (ie me speaking you pretending to be listening), the world melts away, and I'm in my safe haven. I hate most of the things in this world, and I am thankful that you understand without judging me. I am thankful that when I'm with you, I am able to find my little corner of peace, despite all the chaos, all the life that's happening around us. I am thankful that you have allowed me to be part of your life, and you, a huge part of mine.

I am thankful that you make me know that I am loved, everyday, without even needing to use words. I used to not know that. Love really was just an overused word. But with you, I feel flooded with love in the littlest of your actions. The way you always listen to my blabbers patiently. How you fulfil my ice-cream cravings even when you've restricted yourself from it. When you walked all the way back to your car to get your jacket because you thought I need it (which I really did thank you). And when you shared your nasi lemak with me, which you really didn't have to because lately I've picked up a new hobby and it's called cooking.

Tonight we sang again. I love it when we communicate via non-existent songs because (creativity. I like that and we lack that and we need to practice on that.) I love seeing how comfortable you can be. I love how you trust me enough to be silly and childish together. I love it when we can be the most original versions of ourselves, I love being in a place (car) where people (we) don't judge (us). I love how you can make me laugh so easily, sometimes I feel rather useless for not being able to do the same to you. But when you laugh, oh believe me, that's my favourite sound in the world. And that's a sound I do not want to forget, ever.

Here's to more laughter, here's to more love.



And here's enough pizza toppings for the rest of your life.

The Morning After

LAST FRIDAY NIGHT saw two human-sized humans taking a stroll down IKEA because we have never experienced how it's like to be in a gargantuan box on a Friday night. Late. Also because I refused to study. Why am I justifying myself? Gave up the thought of bringing new additions home upon reaching the queue (finally experienced IKEA on a Friday night yay) and we had no choice but to purchase something from the food counter because we needed the change. For parking. It costs three quarters of USD now. In some malls its half a USD. In some malls it's a quarter of USD. I love math. At this point you must be wondering, uh, why am I telling you all these. Well, I could tell you about how I attempted making chicken parmagiana yesterday without using a single trace of bread crumbs and how I took a study break this week literally (a break from study, not to study) and how agressively I have been responding to my phone each time I received an e-mail (unsubscribed from a few useless mails, ah productivity) and also how I died on the 63rd day in Don't Starve (doggy issues) but I mentally decided that it would be rather uninteresting. Also, relevance. Also, I may or may not be stuck in a room with only one palm-sized entertaining device, leading me to believe that typing, no, tapping on a 4-inch screen with only two thumbs (whoa!) may be a brilliant idea. So just let me tap away. Now, back to where we ended up getting this fantasticly pink-ly wrapped biscuits and went to this cafe to satisfy some ice-chocolate cravings. By far the best I've tried. I'll stick to my chocolate comfort zone for now, until I become adventurous, someday.

Untitled II

Hi. Night Jess Minn talking. Night Jess Minn refuses to study. Night Jess Minn needs to study. Night Jess Minn has only one priority. Heh. One priority. Tautology. Night Jess Minn has to keep it going. Night Jess Minn does not even want to start. The whole cycle repeats. You start off feeling the body of it. Just the mass of it. And you give so much care, you handle it right the whole time, because you nearly messed up the last time. Day by day, week by week, the pace was just right. And then suddenly a tremendous weight consumes your entire being. Furiously. Before you even know it. You feel lost. You feel defeated. But what went wrong? You did everything right, and everything wrong. You did everything of both. Now do you keep it in care, or do you discard it along with all hope? You don't decide. Time does. Time does it all the time. And everything will be fine.

Yes, the whole cycle repeats. But I'm just so sick of it.
P.S. It will pay off.

Wallie goes to the beach

Two Saturdays ago we finally brought this little girl to the beach. I have been pleading my dad to bring her to the beach for the longest time so when I instinctively snapped out of my sleep and read his message that morning (get ready. going to the beach. Wallie included), I knew I somehow had to make it happen (mission would be aborted if not enough support). The Kuantan sun was scorching hot and I have yet to discolour from by previous beach trip, but of course I went anyway because offers like this do not come by easy. I coated myself with sunblock (and to soon realize, futile hope) and grabbed along Lynn's camera as it happened to be on the same table as the sunblock.

We brought her to Mehodist Bay, a quiet beach beyond the beach beyond the now very commercialized Teluk Chempedak (TC2) (Methodist Bay is some jungle away from TC2) (I think). This choice of location would have significantly reduced the risk of a disorder. No one was in sight when we arrived. Dad walked her along the beach while I walked far behind as my pace slows down with every ray of sunlight stabbing me. Also I was busy taking pictures. Lynn was way behind for whatever reason. Overall Wallie really enjoyed her stroll along the beach. She particularly loved to attack the incoming waves. You would think that she'll show some gratitude and behave well for at least a day after having a good time at the beach. You would later learn that she attacked her only dog-friend that very night because what if daddy loves the other neighbour-dog more? Silly girl.

Raw

If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is that I am generally not a happy person. Sure, I can easily find happiness around me but... I seemed to have surpassed my happy quota this week. Or month. Or year. I don't know. I had Spicy Chicken McDeluxe for lunch yesterday and I was happy but when I ate what I concluded to be overnight fries that happiness evaporated. I had Spicy Chicken McDeluxe for lunch today and I was happy for a while but again the fries just wasn't what I hoped to be.

Little things bother me a lot.

I feel disturbed but I don't know what is it. You know this voice in your head? Yes, this tiny invisible voice that made it possible for you to read. I vaguely remember being able to form thoughts with this voice in my head once upon a time. This voice was there. I was there. Right now, for some reason, I feel like its just clouds of thoughts floating inside my head. No voice, no actual words, just... A chunk of existence. Exactly. I feel as though I'm a mere existence.

Maybe it's just tonight. Maybe it's just the hormones. I've been trying to clean my room but it just won't get done. I've thrown out piles of junks but it's never-ending. I wouldn't know what to do with this, I wouldn't know what to do with that. And I'll end up like this being so bothered by not knowing what to do.

Post scriptum: I do realize that this space is overflowing with negativity and McD and my cleaning adventures. I'll try to restore balance in the force by making the next post a happy one.

I'll try to make the next post happy.




I'll try to make a next post.





I'll try.

Palsaik turns one

PALSAIK MEDIA APPRECIATION NIGHT 'Twas a night where I looked up to God and appreciated the existence of food all over again. We were warmly welcomed and were served this 'Korean version of Sprite'. As the crowd filled in I started taking pictures of the slanted tray, and everything possible (the things good cameras do to me). People took their seats and the night started off with a speech by the very kind and generous Mr. Chung, CEO of Palsaik Malaysia. And then the feast began. We (the two of us) were served food, food, and more food. Good Lord I will never have enough of their signature eight-flavoured pork, just like how I will never have enough of... sleep. Yeah. And then there's the seafood soup, the endless supply of kimchi, the pancake, the premium kimchi, the lanceolate roots. After some time it was finally time for the lucky draw, and of course the odds were not in our favour. They never were to me when it comes to lucky draws. We accepted our fate and decided to try this Korean wine, which was pretty okay to me. The night ended with the anniversary cake-cutting ceremony and we left with our bellies happy, hearts thankful to be able to celebrate Palsaik's first anniversary.

I will come back for you.