30 DAYS CHALLENGE.

Long ago when SPM was the only thing my life was revolving around, I got bored of studying and stepped out of the study room, only to see that the lovely computer was already turned on, and so I touched it. One of the most satisfying moments during that time, even though it did not last long. Being bored after some clicks in iwastesomuchtime and weheartit, I began to look for this 30 days challenge thing after I have first seen it in Tumblr. Or Weheartit. I forgot.

Long ago (seems long) when I was dismissed from the most pointless class ever - Malaysian Studies class, I found out that the shuttle van to the main campus will not be available until 2:30pm. That ruined all the plans I had for today. So I'm stuck here with nothing to do. After short visit to 9gag and a sad log in failure to Neopets (I told you I had NOTHING to do, please do not judge me), writing is the only thing that could save me from this boring state of immobility. (Earphones needed to watch videos. Bah.)

So yes... I decided to accept this 30-day-challenge right here, right now. Whether I'm going to respond every living day or every blogging day, I don't know, only time will tell. Here is the full set of topics:

Day 01 – 30 things about you.

Day 02 – Where you’d like to be in 10 years.

Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 04 - Your views on religion.

Day 05 - Details on your current relationship status.

Day 06 - Your ideal date.

Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.

Day 10 - Your favorite song and why.

Day 11 - Put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up

Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.

Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.

Day 14 - Your earliest memory.

Day 15 - Your favorite photo of yourself and why.

Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.

Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.

Day 18 - A photo of you in the last item of clothing you bought.

Day 19 - A photo of your favorite possesion.

Day 20 - Your biggest fear.

Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.

Day 22 - How have you changed in the past two years?

Day 23 - Give five pictures of guys/girls who are famous and you find attractive.

Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.

Day 25 - Ten things you hate.

Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.

Day 27 - A problem that you have had.

Day 28 - A letter to someone you love.

Day 29 - Goals for the next thirty days.

Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

DAY 1: 30 things about you.

Okay here I go.

Edited on 10th February, 2012, at 1:08PM, because I am going to cook dinner tonight. (Let's all pray that it's going to be edible. I'm not asking much.)

1. I do not what holds in the future. Nobody knows where they might end up, nobody knows. But I do know that God will always be there with me, for me.
2. 2010 was the best year of my life.
3. I have never watched Lion King nor Star Wars in my entire life. True story. Would definitely love to if I have the chance. Don't tell me to watch online though. It's a long, tiring, hateful process.
4. I love to own pretty things eg. clothes, dresses, shoes, necklaces, and the list goes on. But I hate to spend money in order to own them.
5. I also hate to relate the fact that everyone has a birthday to the event above.
6. I don't really care about who Ted's wife is going to be; I don't mind if they reveal that the mother died/there was no mother and the kids were actually adopted. I just want to watch the story of the group of friends.
7. I sometimes immitate Ted Mosbey saying 'kids' at the beginning of the episode. It makes me feel awesome when our voices merge as one.
8. Charmander was and still is my favourite Pokemon. If only he doens't grow up and rebel.
9. Wearing heels makes me feel good, but my back hurts as soon as I walk in them.
10. In my opinion, pumps are fabulous but way too steep.
11. I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was.
12. I am aware that all things around me right now are temporary; I am not going to heaven with them. But I always fail to tell myself that when I am about to spend a huge amount of money on something completely unncessary. What is, anyway?
12. I usually think a lot before I say something I have in mind. I also care a lot about my appearance. You'll never have a second chance to make a first impression.
13. I wish I have learned some kind of sports when I was younger and excel in it.
14. When I am sick, time slows down, my mind shuts down and it tells me that I deserve every sympathy every human being could ever give. (Except for the time I got sick during SPM.)
15. When I am sad, I am sad and I remain sad until I finally stop being sad.
16. It's been long since I've ever experience the scary moment when something terrible happens and I and wish that Ctrl+Z works in real life. You know, like breaking the mercury thermometer or something.
17. I drink at least 5 litres of water per day. I think everyone knows that.
18. I love my family and love being around them. But I am not good at expressing all these. I feel that it's a part that I can skip. Like, it's fine, as long as I know it.
19. I admire people who can write very well. I really do.
20. I hate sweating. Sweating really kills my mood. I cannot stress this any more. I sweat way faster and easier compared to others and I think it's because of the amout of water intake I practice daily.
21. I love natural, wavy, smooth hair. The reason I feel that I must have straight hair is because straight hair are often, or at least they look smooth, hence it looks neat, and it's easy to handle. I prefer having wavy or long hair with a bit of curl to plain, boring straight hair but I think I cannot manage such hair. Yes, I take the easy way.
22. I don't socialize well. I don't mix around well. I love having friends, but making a new one always seems difficult to me. Sometimes I get so lazy to move even a tiny inch of muscle I rather sit/stand alone and stare at things, having these loud thoughts playing in my mind without needing to hear them physically. I enjoy such peace and tranquility.
23. I'm the worst of myself when it comes to making a decision, be it major or minor. Deciding what to eat may be one of the most time-consuming process for me while others get fed me.
24. Split ends are the one thing I wish that has never ever happened to me. It's despicable, annoying, distracting, ugly, and saddening. I really don't need such thing attached to me all the time. I have better things to care for but gahhh.
25. I adore people who can sing well. A Capella songs are heavenly by the way.
26. TVXQ (namely YoonHo, ChangMin, JaeJoong, Yoochun, JunSoo) has played a huge part in my life, but that part is over now. They brought me much joy, much motivation those days. There's more I want to say about this but I'll do it some other time. I really miss those boys sometimes.
27. If given a choice between pure gold and white gold, I would definitely choose white gold. Pure gold looks good only when.... well I can't think of any time when it looks good.
28. I love dogs. The only time I hate them is when they attack my dog. Other than that, they're all lovable. But the one thing I hate about having dogs is the part where we part. Pun not intended.
29. I love, and I enjoy photography, music, culinary art, and I have a thing for these computering...stuffs. And also cutting up people, of course. But I am not good at any of them. And I still doubt whether passion can be career.
30. I chose to take accountancy not because I love it, but it's because I know that's what I am best at. If I do not feel that way when I'm doing something, there's a massive 83% of chance that I might end up doing it wrong, of which causes are made up of 10% of lack of skill and 90% of lack of confidence/very, very low self-esteem. I want to cut people up and save lives, yes, I really do, but I don't want to only know how to cut them up and being not able to figure out what the next step is suppose to be.

There, 30 or maybe more things about me. This challenge is tiring.

Coming up next - DAY 2 task: Where you'd like to be in ten years.

Just a Monday.

This, my friend, is an entry definitely worth your time reading, because I am going to tell you a true story. And yours truly plays the protagonist. Then again, this, my friend, is an entry you definitely would not want to waste your time reading, because I am going to tell you a true story. And yours truly plays the protagonist. And also antagonists do not exist in this story.

Your choice. (Spoiler alert: This story is short. It is also not worth your time reading.)

So back to school college today (that sounds so not right). I had only a class today, praise God for I have finally learned something new. It's a small thing, but it's new. And new things are good, most of the time. Anyway, after my class which ended at 2pm, I took the shuttle van back to the main campus. Then I did what I have craved to ever since last night.

I walked down to the bus stop just opposite the campus, and I sat down, waiting for a bus to come. Okay fine I was actually waiting for 'the' bus to come but every time a bus came to sight I would desperately WANT that bus to be 'the' bus. That's not the way you wait for a thing, right? Or is it? I'm confused. So they say that 'the' bus comes every half an hour. After almost two hours of waiting at the bus stop, alone, (and yes like an idiot,) and several phone calls in between, I finally accepted the fact that I was stupid for waiting for two hours, because something must be wrong if 'the' bus NEVER even stopped somewhere visible to me for once. Shortly after that I decided to stop being stupid (but failed anyway).

One of the phone calls lead me to walk across the bus stop - I was told that I have waited at the wrong place. Upon hearing that, the blood in my body stopped circulated for two seconds as they have all been pumped up to and gathered at my vocal cords to perform this incredible shout:

Okay that part may be fictional. Your choice.

So yeah, I walked across the road and waited at um, how do I put this. It is very unfortunate for me to tell you that there is no more decent way to describe what I did next. I, well, stupidly waited for the bus at the wrong place, AGAIN. Since this is a short story, I am going to skip the part about how I finally destupidized myself. For the full story, well, there really is nothing you can do.

The stupidity of mine ended when I have finally stepped into the ground floor of One Utama, or so I thought.  Walking around all alone in a mall which you are familiar with ONLY when your sister is with you, is like eating without having food. Yes, it was awful. It took me much effort to get out of Jusco after I have entered the lower ground floor of it with no intention to do so. All I wanted was to claim my personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut (which is located at LG), which validity expires tomorrow. After I have successfully exited that place, I went to look for the directory.. Yes I was that pathetic. And still am. After getting the disappointing piece of news from Uniqlo, where people unofficially 18 cannot work at, I reached Pizza Hut in one piece. And of course it took quite some time for me to achieve so. Below is a picture of my own illustration of being forever alone.

I want a part-time job. Badly, I can say. My classes are all very short, that makes my day pretty empty. And I don't have to really spend a lot of time to study yet because I'm just repeating what I have learned, for now. That makes me really, very free. I need something to do other than facing various screens for long hours everyday. Also I need to fulfill my TUWIMDASL. Money is the added bonus. The reason why I want to work at Uniqlo so much is that the workers there are very warm and friendly. That's how I felt as a customer, at least. I don't wanna work with not warm and not friendly people. -_- Uniqlo oh Uniqlo, Y U no  give me a job...

The ending of this story is different than how it was supposed to be. My plan was actually to take a bus back to my aunt's house, but she came and fetch me instead. I was too tired of walking I guess. Wait no, I was too tired of waiting. GAH. I thank God that at least I have achieved and learned new things that I have never before today. Today is the day I finally took a public transport alone, and also the day I got out of this huge mall from the right exit without my sister as my tour guide HAHAHA.

Fun fact: I am already 18 (half true) and I chose writing a stupid story over doing something very important haha haha haha somebody shoot me please.

I could really use a piano right now.

BAH.

Hi.

It is ten in the morning and my eyelids are as heavy as my whole body hahahaha what am I talking about. Class starts at 12pm and I'm currently in the DJ campus, where EVERYTHING happens here. (My course is not offered here, so I'm studying in the PJ campus, where, sadly, nothing happens there) Aunt sent me here at 9am and I have two choices to make: I either go rot in the library, or rot in the ICT lab, which, obviously is what I have chosen to do. But here's another problem: I have nothing to do with the computer.

Hence logging in to Blogger and writing a bunch of crap. After my daily dose of 9gag, which happned, say an hour ago, I have no purpose in this place anymore. Plus this place is so cold I can very easily fall asleep. Which is bad if it happens because I have a shutter van to catch at 11+ to transport myself to the other campus. If only teleporting happens in real life.

10:20am.

I still cannot deide whether to leave this freezing place and have my brunch/lunch now (I have classes for five hours straight hahaha God bless my soul) in this AWESOME canteen here or just wait for a little while more to have my lunch. You see, if I finish my meal to soon, I will have absolutely nothing to do after that. Who would want to climb back the labourious climb of 3 floors just to feel extremely cold in the ICT lab, or even drag themselevs up to the 4th floor to experience freaky total silence in the library? Not me at least. So if I choose to eat my lunch too soon, what happnes after may be me reading Macbeth (had nothing to do on my first trip to the library -> borrowed Macbeth) alone, and basically just falling asleep while reading it.

Which is why I am keeping this unintentive post longer than it is supposed to be. But, if I had my lunch too late, I won't be able to catch the van, which reaches here at... I don't know what time.

So I'll just write a short paragraph about this place?

Library - awesome. ICT lab - awesome. Canteen - awesome. By the way this place is the total opposite of ther other campus... So yeah  that's my life.

Got to go.

P.S. Can't believe I'm using IE.

Oeyyy!

I miss your dumb face.

Oh hai there.

Le me and dinner. Like a retard.

Dinner was bad by the way.

So here's the list of what I have achieved this week, starting from Monday:
1. Ended the shortest break I ever had since I was seven, officially.
2. Survived orientations of all kinds.
3. Answered the same two questions over and over i.e. 'How's college today?' and 'Made any new friends?'. Bah.
4. Walked around.
5. Watched the (incomplete) latest season of Grey's Anatomy. THIS, I call achievement.
6. Watched the (incomplete) latest season of How I Met Your Mother. THIS, too, I call achievement.
7. Which means I had my eyes fixed on the TV/computer screen for no lesser than 100 hours this week... I think.
8. Stalked humans from all over the world.
9. Uh, updated my blog?
10. Hated Vanessa Hudgens. You'll find out why.

And here's the list of what I did not achieved this week, starting from Monday:
1. Sleep. No, really.
2. Eat well. 1200 calories per day. But how.
3. Hang out/eat in McD the wonderland.
4. Date my loved ones! I've been resisting this since... I better not say.
5. Buy myself some pretty things for no apparent reason.
6. Watch all seasons of How I Met Your Mother.
7. Watch all seasons of Desperate Housewives.
8. Rewatch all seasons of Gossip Girl and continue from where I have stopped.
9. Rewatch all seasons of Criminal Minds and continue from where I have stopped.
10. REWATCH GREY'S ANATOMY OVER AND OVER.
11. Rewatch Bloody Monday.
12. Watch all seasons of Death Note the anime.
13. Take lots and lots of photos.
14. Get a job. I need to earn money to spend. Bwahaha.
15. Learn how to cook and bake... for the 102258th time.
16. Create a Tumblr account.
17. Beautify my blog. It deserves good treatment after my exam.
18. Update my blog every single day if possible. 10 years from now I may be reading the posts of the next few months and I definitely want myself to remember how happy those times were. Hah.
19. Outings outings outings. Shopping, eating, jungle-trekking, camping, fishing kite-flying etc. With whomever as long as they are as crazy as I shall be.
20. Play The Sims 3. I HAVE WAITED FOR FAR TOO LONG.
21. Read constantly. Sidney Sheldon's, Oscar Wilde's, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's... Oh yeah. J.K. Rowling's. Never allowed myself to finish her books. Why? EXAMS LA.
22. Quit my job and get another one. To gain more experience.
23. Go on a vacation. Wherever. But if I do this it means that I must stop everything else in this list for quite some time. Hmm.
24. Rot in KL for a week. One of the musts. 
25. Take lots and lots more of photos.
26. Get myself a driving licencee. Oh how could I forget.
27. Play some games which I have always told myself I'm too busy to. DDT maybe? HAHAHA.
28. Learn 10258 new songs on the piano.
29. Do something to my hair. But I'm definitely NOT dyeing it.
30. Exercise daily. What's gotta go, gotta go.
31. Change my profile picture. My current one was used since January. Hah.
32. Read the newspaper daily. Get to know things.
33. Rewatch all Harry Potter movies. This was what I did after UPSR. Only there were not as many.
34. Solve the 1000-piece puzzle which I intended to solve right after PMR. Yeah my time management is beyond  description. I know right.
35. Bake a cake - successfully - with my classmates.
36. Do 200 sit-ups daily. For real.
37. Clone myself with of course, the help of awesome Jan.
38. Climb a tree. Because my teacher said so.
39. Teach Wallie how to 'roll over' and 'play dead'. Which is probably going to take forever but well the girl deserves undivided attention once SPM is over. I mean once what's after SPM is over. Don't worry, I'll get her a new toy.
40. Upload the photos which I have always failed to for various reasons (300 units at least, 6 albums AT LEAST) to Facebook.


Now here's the list of what I must achieve next week:
1. Watch the latest episodes of Grey's Anatomy and How I Met Your Mother. What else?
2. Study. (Must be prepared for the upcoming exam exam exam exam exam. )

Life is that unfair. But oh well, the best is yet to come. Always keep the faith.

Orientations.

You know you hate them.

The beginning... And the end.

Warning: I think this is gonna be a very long post. I just think so.

Time is running out. Allow me to clarify that this statement has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that my brain decides to blog only after midnight - I can do anything at any time I want now, but well, read on and you'll know what I'm talking about. After abandoning my blog (which I update the most during times when I am not supposed to - the most) for quite some time, I can say it deserves some explanation/more crappy writings from me, at least.

As I have written, I felt completely empty once I'm done with my SPM examination. So empty I almost forgot what life is all about. And this still applies to me right now. Four weeks ago I woke up with nothing to play on the computer, nothing to watch on the TV, and I couldn't even drive. This morning afternoon I woke up at 1, played the Sims, watched How I Met Your Mother (I LOVE YOU ALISSON WONG), and still cannot drive. So yeah I'm more or less the same as how I was a month ago. 

Well thankfully, for you, with the existence of several events during this very miserable period of my life, in this post, you won't just read about my never ending rants and complains. SPOILER ALERT: there will be pictures, too!

I cannot believe that I just spent an hour on this. But evidence says it all.

Event #1: Trip to Genting Highland with classmates

We've been talking about this ever since our trial exam in September. Had it not been for Jamie, this trip would not have happened at all. Our accommodation was totally free of charge, a very generous offer from Jamie's mother who somehow got free stays at the Awana Ria Apartment. 15 of in a two-room apartment... Created much memories. Unfortunately there were bad and really stupid ones too but thank God it did not affect much. Based on the above calender, yes, we actually departed from Kuantan on Wednesday night at 11pm, and yes, we reached there at 2 in the morning - with not a place to stay and not a thing to do. Among the activities we forced ourselves to do (WE HAVE NO PLACE TO SLEEP YO) were eating at 3am, taking pictures almost everywhere, exploring places floors above floors and then finally, we decided to rest outside one random bowling outlet, like this

The first morning was loooooooooooooooooooooooong, but the following days were so short they just passed by like that. All in all it was really a memorable trip - it was the last time we did something together as not only classmates, but also very, very good friends. So good that I feel this trip deserves a post entirely about itself. We'll see if I have the time. This trip, for me, ended with multiple group photos but here's the best one I think...

Event #2: Shopping - like a boss - in KL

I sincerely hope that I will repent. I was really out of my mind when it comes to this walking-non-stop-but-doesn't-qualify-to-be-categorized-as-an-exercise activity called shopping. This sense of guilt is eating me up as I write about this. Goodness. Such a shame. I.. I just... I cannot explain. I have very clearly told myself not to overspend... But I.. I.. Oh this is so so sooooooooooo sad. It's like... It's like getting drunk. Yeah. Whenever I made a purchase it certainly did not go through my brain. Just like the things people do when they are drunk, you know. And only after the whole wild night of fun and fake awesomeness... They wake up feeling sick, so sick that they hated themselves for what they did the night before. I'm just in the same situation. After 5 long days of shopping (that's how long I was drunk for) I finally sat down, and started to think, rationally. It's like something overtook my mind whenever I made any UNNECESSARY but very pretty purchase... Oh why. Why couldn't I take control of myself. WHYYYYYY. I'm so broke now. And I  couldn't earn by getting a job any more because well.. Read on. Sigh. Here's how I looked like when I was drunk with the obsession for pretty things:

Event #3: HUGE Camp at Port Dickson

After all these years of YLDP, I finally decided to try something new. It was, indeed, very different from the camps I have attended for the past few years. One very clear examples I could name was the schedule. Back then in YLDP, we our schedule was so packed I did not even have the time to refill the water in my bottle. True story. I had to do whatever I had to in a rush. Whereas in HUGE, we had an average of 6 hours break.. And that did not even include our sleeping time. So yeah it's something new and different. But of course one thing remains the same - the purpose of these camps. For every camp I have attended God was definitely there, and His message was of course well delivered by the speakers. Yes, everything went so well, everyone was once again restored and refreshed, but do we all continue to live like that once a camp is over? That's the real challenge.
I could not bear the awesomeness of sunlight..

And by THIS, I meant -


This. It still remains incomplete. I HATE YOU THE SIMS.

So there. The subtopics for this post. Pretty much says everything about my past December - how I ended by far the longest chapter in my life story. December began with something so, I don't know, scary? But eventually the scariest of all will end, and sure enough it did. To be honest, I was so blinded by the whole SPM thing that I did not even realize the very few days we have left to live as a For 5 student until the very last of them. I'm not sure if I had appreciated what I had, I wish I did. There won't be any chance we'll dressing up like this -

- and do crazy things only kids would do, because the truth be told, time moves on - and people do, too. Sad, but true. Things change, people change. They won't be the same any more. And I definitely do not like the idea of 'change', because I fear that things would not go the way I want them to be. I fear that things would go bad, I fear that 'change' and I would not get along. But changes are inevitable. I cannot remain 17 forever, I have to look forward and move on, because life keeps going on - and I cannot do anything about that. The future is something we all can never see thus we cannot know for sure what to expect, and that's what makes it scary, but I cannot just stick to the past just because I'm familiar with it. Too much of words in a paragraph what seemed pointless?

I'm moving on. I'll be starting college (hate how that sounded) this coming Monday. And that's not the worst part.. Wait til you read that I'll be taking Accounting instead of Science/Medicine/Anything That Allows Me To Cut Up People. Yeah. How awesome would this world be had I not fill in the scholarship form, right? Yeah. But the decision is already made. Because I know I had to. Not everyone was blessed by straight A's (couldn't stress more that it was only in black and white) in their trial exam... But I was. Not everyone who applied for the scholarship was blessed by 100% tuition fee waiver... But I was. So yeah. I love free things. I also love to stop practising the art of wasting time. Furthermore I love to say that sometimes, we have to do what we have to, even though it isn't what we want to. While all my very beloved humans have 3 months of free time before the SPM results are out, I will be stu-wait for it.. dying. Away from home. Far from loved ones. Not getting a job and earn some money. Awesome isn't it? Unlike most of the humans I know, I would very much prefer to stay in Kuantan even for the next two years for form 6. I;m just not ready to leave yet but I know, you don;t have time to get ready for things. Sometimes you just have to do it. When a car is approaching at a very high velocity, you just do it. You don't get ready to avoid. You do what you have to. And this is exactly what I am doing. I'm leaving my comfort zone. I'm looking forward to new things. This is change. And I'm hoping, so badly, that it will be a good one.

On the other hand there is still one thing that remains the same, which is my full-time job as a procrastinator. :) WHY CAN'T I JUST CHANGE THE THINGS THAT I WANT TO WHY MUST THINGS ALWAYS GO AGAINST THE WAY I WANT THEM TO. Yeah I'm leaving on Monday and I still haven't pack a single thing. What's there to pack anyway? Clothings, footwear, toiletries, pencil case, bible, a note book, what else?

And that's how the new chapter of my life story begins. The end.

Meanwhile, in front of the computer...

What to pack.

I lost my mind.

And my heart in the middle of nowhere.

And my passion for food.

And my hunger for adventure.

And also my excitement for this long-term holiday which does not exists at all.

All because I lost one thing - my mind.


Right now, it may seem that all that matters to me is getting some twister fries for lunch and burning many many holes in my pocket and Barney Stinson and planning my future but it's not like that. In fact, I do not even know what I just wrote. I am somewhat a little confused and a lot confused hence this confusing post? Meh. Will update when I am going to. I don't know.

I really don't know.

Happiness, Y U load so slow?

This is so saddening. My happiness is making me sad. The irony of life.

I have so much time to waste that wasting my time at iwastesomuchtime.com isn't enough to waste all of my time any more, because the time there is for me to waste is, way beyond much, true story. Man this is killing me. It's only the second day of experiencing this long-craved-freedom and I feel dead inside already. I feel like... I'm born to waste my time. I know you're going to ask me to shut up and stop acting this way and go like c'mon you just finished your SPM just relax and enjoy your life bla bla bla bla bla blahh. If you are really going to say that, save it, shut up and just give me an enjoyable thing to enjoy.

Went to the mall today and felt awesome for a while and now back to offline mode. I can die if I continue living like this.

Maybe it's time to dig up the text books to be returned tomorrow. Or it could also be time to pack for tomorrow night. I cannot decide. Watching videos online sucks. Bye.

Back.

Where do I begin.

To my surprise I don't actually anticipate the days ahead of me. Well, not any more at least. You know, like I've been climbing Mount Everest for three and a half weeks or so just to reach the peak of the mountain - and then climb all the way back down again. How exciting and adventuress it seemed during the first few steps you set foot on that mountain, but halfway through your journey, very unfortunately, you lost them all. Drenched with endless exhaustion, labourious effort, and all sorts of discouraging factors, the ray of light gets thinner and thinner, and you slowly forget what's the climb about. Yeah that's pretty much how I feel right now.

Needless to say, I have already reached the peak of my mountain. I'm already there - the figurative top of my world, and I have overcame the necessities. I should feel happy and I should taste freedom right now. But I don't. Did I lose myself during the climb, I couldn't tell. All I can do now is just to hope that I am the kind of person who needs something to dose me up to get me activated, because right now, really, all I feel is emptiness.

Emptiness.

It's like my soul left my body. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong though. I am certainly not that kind of person who loves studying to the bottom of my heart, in fact I find studying one of the most boring things one could ever do. Every time I open the text book and try to understand and even memorize that single sentence and paragraph, my brain - whom amazingly never stopped functioning ever since I was born, miraculously stops functioning. So studying could be like, someone (book) talking (transferring important information) to a deaf person (brain when malfunction). Pointless. Tedious. As stupid as ever. True story.

I remember those days when December 5th meant the world to me. The anticipation for its arrival and the things I have prepared myself to do when it happens (refer to TUWIMDASL a few entries ago). Well what I feel right now is almost exactly the opposite. Maybe because a) I'm too tired to celebrate, b) I don't want to tidy up my books-scattered-everywhere study room, c) I don't know where I'm moving forward to, d) Loneliness kills, or e) Emptiness empties.

Or it could be all of the above. I don't know. I really don't know. You tell me.

So yeah, it is happening, but so what? Now that I have gone back to my 'normal' life, there really isn't much to do, is there? I mean what was I doing all these while before the exam? I eat, I sleep, I watch TV, I waste time. And now what am I going to do after exam? Exactly. I eat, I sleep, I watch TV, I waste time. And now I wonder why did December 5th seemed so great in the first place. After all, it is still life, that I'm living, and this cycle might just never end. You aim for your goal, you work for it, the only chance for you to prove your hard work comes (along with pressure, more hard work, sleepless nights, nervousness, fear, hope, prayers), the day where your hard work is proven comes. And then the whole cycle just repeats itself, again and again.

Since I'm already at the peak, I think I'm just gonna linger around here for a while and hope that I won't freeze to death while doing things I've never once attempt before, like starting a fire. Yeah. That's it. Maybe I should start doing something I've never done before. Like, you know, shave my hair or something. Okay that's ridiculous. I'm just gonna end this post and start building a house for my Sims. Whatever.