Back.

Where do I begin.

To my surprise I don't actually anticipate the days ahead of me. Well, not any more at least. You know, like I've been climbing Mount Everest for three and a half weeks or so just to reach the peak of the mountain - and then climb all the way back down again. How exciting and adventuress it seemed during the first few steps you set foot on that mountain, but halfway through your journey, very unfortunately, you lost them all. Drenched with endless exhaustion, labourious effort, and all sorts of discouraging factors, the ray of light gets thinner and thinner, and you slowly forget what's the climb about. Yeah that's pretty much how I feel right now.

Needless to say, I have already reached the peak of my mountain. I'm already there - the figurative top of my world, and I have overcame the necessities. I should feel happy and I should taste freedom right now. But I don't. Did I lose myself during the climb, I couldn't tell. All I can do now is just to hope that I am the kind of person who needs something to dose me up to get me activated, because right now, really, all I feel is emptiness.

Emptiness.

It's like my soul left my body. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong though. I am certainly not that kind of person who loves studying to the bottom of my heart, in fact I find studying one of the most boring things one could ever do. Every time I open the text book and try to understand and even memorize that single sentence and paragraph, my brain - whom amazingly never stopped functioning ever since I was born, miraculously stops functioning. So studying could be like, someone (book) talking (transferring important information) to a deaf person (brain when malfunction). Pointless. Tedious. As stupid as ever. True story.

I remember those days when December 5th meant the world to me. The anticipation for its arrival and the things I have prepared myself to do when it happens (refer to TUWIMDASL a few entries ago). Well what I feel right now is almost exactly the opposite. Maybe because a) I'm too tired to celebrate, b) I don't want to tidy up my books-scattered-everywhere study room, c) I don't know where I'm moving forward to, d) Loneliness kills, or e) Emptiness empties.

Or it could be all of the above. I don't know. I really don't know. You tell me.

So yeah, it is happening, but so what? Now that I have gone back to my 'normal' life, there really isn't much to do, is there? I mean what was I doing all these while before the exam? I eat, I sleep, I watch TV, I waste time. And now what am I going to do after exam? Exactly. I eat, I sleep, I watch TV, I waste time. And now I wonder why did December 5th seemed so great in the first place. After all, it is still life, that I'm living, and this cycle might just never end. You aim for your goal, you work for it, the only chance for you to prove your hard work comes (along with pressure, more hard work, sleepless nights, nervousness, fear, hope, prayers), the day where your hard work is proven comes. And then the whole cycle just repeats itself, again and again.

Since I'm already at the peak, I think I'm just gonna linger around here for a while and hope that I won't freeze to death while doing things I've never once attempt before, like starting a fire. Yeah. That's it. Maybe I should start doing something I've never done before. Like, you know, shave my hair or something. Okay that's ridiculous. I'm just gonna end this post and start building a house for my Sims. Whatever.