When instructed to reach out to a specific chocolate bar and pop it into my mouth, the motor nerves in both my hands complied obediently. It was only when I felt the nougat and all its glory (so cleverly hidden beyond the fancy triangular shape) binding the upper and lower right corner teeth of mine for a little unnecessarily too long (1 millisecond) that I remembered that I had, indeed, brushed my teeth, a dreadful responsibility usually not yet executed at this hour. I immediately pretended not to remember about it. Half an hour thereafter my stomach would find another three uninvited (mini) bars of Twix in it. Caramel proved to be a better binding agent than nougat.
These days I dread everything. It's such an un-adult thing to say, but it is what it is. I dread waking up, I dread cleaning my room, I dread getting food - most of the time I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT. In short I dread carrying out basic human functions, and you may or may not attempt to translate that further. And yes, I have finally reached that stage where I dread going to work, not at all to my surprise. I knew this day would come, I knew it all along. (No it didn't come fast) In the early days I did experience such dread, but four solos later I met this really nice and caring senior who restored what's left of my faith, and I had been looking forward to going to work ever since, to work with nice people like her, you know. And then, life went on well. And then, I sort of (but no, not really) got upgraded some half a year ago (okay, to put it better - the colony of people I deal with got upgraded), and that's how I got into this very state, a suspicion I had developed some time ago when I swam slightly deeper into my silent monologues, but did not have the means to launch an investigation upon.
(From now on I shall let my soulless body dwell in the hands of fate, wherever it drops me I shall land gracefully, like the 10000th aircraft made by Airbus, with an excellent pilot on an excellent runway.)
I know, I know, I can't change circumstances, but I can change myself, right? Right. Okay. Rant over. Anyway, you know that feeling, the one that you have at least, at the very least, once, in your lifetime, the sudden exciting urge to create something? Yeah I had that at 3 in the midnight after my first chocolate bar, and that is how this had come to exist. Given that I don't know enough to create anything else of any form, this is the least I can do for myself. It's either this or trouble.
I need to stop buying chocolates.
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