Prelude

Eleven days into the new year and I have yet to do anything... significant. Unless having McD is counted. Then yes. I have eaten 3 meals of McD this year. This averages into 1 McD for every 4 days I breathe. Which is pretty rewarding, but I cannot speak for my future self. With no more classes to attend for the rest of my life (well, not the conventional type anyway), time seemed to have lost its dimension. I wake up mostly in the afternoons, and uh, I let time pass. By doing so, I'll be drawn nearer to certainty - Monday the 18th (results day ha ha..). On that fateful day, the pixels should start blurring into one, and hopefully (a very, very optimistic hope) it leads me to where I want to be.

2015 was exciting. I've learned things that I never knew about myself, and I've done things I never imagined I would. Although minute in comparison with possibly everyone else in this world, I'm grateful for everything that has taken place, and for the people who supported me and encouraged me along the way.

If you must know, I am not the type of person who plans ahead because I don't want to have expectations. I don't want to have expectations because I know the very backbone of our perception on 'happy' is built around it. If I knew that I wanted a hot mocha, and ordered a hot mocha, but ended up with a mocha frap, I would not be happy. Because what I planned for when I placed my order was to receive a hot mocha. I would be disappointed, because I had expectations. So as a measure to mitigate disappointments in life, I try my best to not expect anything. I'll take what life gives me, I'll go where life brings me.

But this year, oh this year, I'm leaving the world behind. I'm taking life to where I want it to be. This year, I've made plans for a... a detour. And I am terribly excited for what's to come. I know I would be crushed and go back into my tiny hole of darkness if things do not turn out the way I want it to be, but this has made me feel the most alive and motivated in a long while. To be able to have a dream again, to have something to look forward to and to hope for, is a pretty good feeling, I must say. I am well aware that some people may not agree on this and some may even judge me for it, but ah, if only they know how much this means to me.

When the time comes, everything will fall into place, and we will see.