Emotional

When I was young, I would be very easily touched by sad scenes of movies, and they never fail to make me cry. My mother noticed that side of me and had told me that I should not be that emotional, crying because of little things. How am I going to handle myself in bigger, much difficult situations? I did not understand what was the issue then, but as I grow up I have seen the importance of her words through various experience. One significant action I took to 'overcome my weakness' was to simply avoid watching sad movies, despite knowing how good those movies were. Movies like Hachiko, Marley and Me, The Last Song... I wouldn't watch them.

But today I realized what I did was nothing close to overcoming my issues in dealing with sadness. I was only avoiding them, taking the easy way out. And oh, how I hate myself for being this weak, this helpless.

I was given two months to get excited about tomorrow, to prepare myself in all ways for what's happening tomorrow, but I did not make use of the time. This morning, when I woke up from one of the happiest dreams I've had this year, in which dear YunHo smiled at me, and we conversed and even shook hands, it hit me hard that tomorrow - TOMORROW is the day I have been longing for. The day that I had once wanted to happen, so very badly.

Then I realized that I did not prepare any letters, any presents, anything at all for them, for this day.

I don't know what to feel tomorrow. I am going to watch something really good, yet sad at the same time. I don't know what to feel when I see two very familiar, precious faces, instead of five.