Sunday, December 23, 2012

A proposal you don't want to read


Ngoh Jess Minn
321, Sesame Street,
Neverland.

22nd December, 2012

Your Highness Master Lee Xing Zhao
_________________,
25250 Kuantan, Pahang.

Your Highness,

REQUEST FOR USAGE OF MANSION FOR ADVANCED/BELATED CHRISTMAS PARTY

With reference to the above, I, Jess Minn, on behalf of all the awesome people in Your Highness's life, would like to request for the usage of Your Highness's almighty mansion at _______________, Kuantan for the most legendary Christmas party that any humankind would ever experience, which falls on either the 23rd (Sunday) or 24th (Monday) of this December, or any other day in the near future. Due to Your Highness's generous support in this event, the choice of date is entirely up to Your Highness's preference.


2.         Below is the unfinalized guest list for the event:
1)      Your Highness Master Lee Xing Zhao
2)      Ngoh Jess Minn
3)      Chua Shar Min
4)      Ng Jou Jin       
5)      Leong Yin Hui
6)      Chew Chiun Yi
7)      Say Tsui Teng
8)      Chan Yoeng Nam
9)      Too Wei Ming
10)  Jason Yong Chi Sing
11)  Yeo Khee Thai
12)  Thye Chuan Jet
13)  Chin Jiun Huey

3.         Your Highness's mansion has been ultimately chosen as the venue for the mentioned Christmas party for obvious reasons. First, as the name tells, Your Highness' mansion is by far the only place with the ability to capacitate all guests mentioned above. The amount of people may be small, but Your Highness most certainly should be reminded that not all human beings are as thin, fit and healthy as Your Highness. Please take note that some, if not, all of the guests are wide in forms that Your Highness will never have the chance to understand. Moreover, as we gather for the purpose of celebrating this joyous season, where would be a better place to sing and celebrate our lives than the glorious Karaoke room in Your Highess' mansion? Exactly. Furthermore, I strongly believe that it has been a while since Your Highness has utilized the user-friendly and extremely convenient swimming pool in Your Highness' mansion. With our kind and genuine offer of help, it would be less than easy to break this invisible barrier between Your Highness and the swimming pool, I guarantee. Fear not, nonetheless, for we would be all in this together.

4.         I am absolutely aware that Your Highness may argue that due to the lack of kitchen tools and equipment, Your Highness' mansion would not be the ideal place for this legendary Christmas party. Rest assured and cast away all concern about the well-being of our stomachs, Your Highness, for we are bringing the party over, not the other way round. We would of course bring useful yet convenient equipments such as portable stoves, cake mixers, mini ovens etc. over during the party and make Your Highness feel at home like never before.

5.         Up to this point, Your Highness must be extremely excited about this event already. It is now time to break the suspense and reveal that the Christmas party would be divided into three sections: the Pre-Party, the Party, and the Post-Party. Your Highness should be aware that only the Party and the Post-Party would require the utilization of Your Highness' mansion. However, Your Highness is most welcomed to join us for the Pre-Party, which is located not more than 10 kilometers away from Your Highness' mansion, I believe.

6.         Below are the proposed activities for the legendary Christmas party:

The Pre-Party
The Pre-Party may begin as early as 12pm on the day of the Christmas party. I apologize with utmost sincerity for not being able to provide an actual time for the Pre-Party, as this solely depends on variables that could not be predicated at the moment, such as the different timings of our fellow guests’ waking hour. However, based on my judgment, 1pm would be most ideal for us to kick start the Pre-Party. The Pre-Party would be held at East Coast Mall, Kuantan, which, coincidentally, is the place where yours truly is fighting against time to complete this proposal as of this moment. The main objective for the Pre-Party is to make necessary purchases to run the party, such as food ingredients, food items, and all other food-related stuffs. Should Your Highness desire to add in other activities during the Pre-Party, such as present-hunting, Your Highness is encouraged to voice it out so that we may leave Your Highness to some necessary privacy with full understanding.

The Party
By 4pm, we should all be done with our necessary purchases and gathered in Your Highness's gargantuan mansion. The activities to be held in the mansion include, but are not limited to the following:
  • Decorating Your Highness's mansion, should Your Highness deem reasonable
  • Preparing dinner
  • Preparing desserts - cakes, pies, cookies
  • Feasting
  • Singing and celebrating life, as mentioned above
  • Playing, in one form or another, in the pool
  • Playing board games - Monopoly
  • Gift-exchanging, should Your Highness deem relevant

The Post-Party
The Post-Party would be known as the saddest yet most unavoidable part of the night due to the level of responsibility obligated among the participating guests. This section of the event would open Your Highness's precious pair of double-lidded eyes to the inner beauty of all of us. With utmost sincerity, we would all accompany Your Highness and partake in the cleaning up to be done once the official 'fun' is over. After all, as I have said - we are all in this together. Your Highness would be so overwhelmed by our sincerity that Your Highness would find Your Highness, in a few seconds from just now, actually considering the approval of the next activity proposed: a sleepover.

Here's a few seconds to allow Your Highness to breathe.

I could elaborate so much more on the last activity mentioned, but let's leave this till later. However, we understand that Your Highness may need the most of privacy at night time, so there is absolutely no pressure on this matter.

7.         I hereby thank Your Highness for Your Highness's time on reading this proposal and on Your Highness's consideration on the proposal. On an unrelated note, the only thing that keeps yours truly alive right now is the hope for an approval, or even just a reply from Your Highness.

It is going to be legendary.

P.S. Sleepovers are fun.









Yours truly, sincerely, and legendarily,

NGOH JESS MINN

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